Of Narcissism
Dec. 17th, 2007 02:29 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
cutthroatpixieTitle: Of Narcissism
Author: McKenzie
Pairing: Jeremy/Ben
Prompt: #49- Heartbreak (Replacing 'Pet')
Rating: PG-13
Jeremy is so optimistic I feel bad for him. ‘I’m in love,’ he says, as if I couldn’t already tell. He seems to think that things are going to work out for him, but… they won’t, I just know it.
I’m not saying I want him to be miserable, just the opposite, actually, but he can’t give his heart up yet, not to Ben. Ben is a great guy, really nice and all, but his head and his heart have been in denial about certain things for far too long and even Jeremy’s sweet, good hearted love is not going to fix that.
I’m a cynic, that is true (none of this ‘I’m not a cynic, I’m a realist’ bullshit—happiness can be real too), but this isn’t just me trying to find the negative side of things. I really just don’t want him to get hurt, and Ben will hurt him whether he tries to or not. That damn pride of his will get in the way of everything, that need to keep up some sort of self image, that desire to do as he thinks pleases society as a whole, and the damn narcissist will claim another victim. Jeremy, despite what he says, is too fragile to handle the heartbreak this would cause. He’d get over it, I have no doubt of that, but love would be ruined to him forever.
He has all these hopes for himself, for Ben, for the two of them, but Ben’s mind is closed to the kind of love Jeremy wants from him, and even if he wants to give it, he won’t let himself because of some odd sort of fucked up personality flaw the guy has. He can’t accept himself, he certainly won’t accept Jeremy. I just know it.
---
Jeremy is over the moon right now. Ben kissed him, he says. Ben loves him back, he claims. Ben this and Ben that and Ben is making him so happy right now. I should be glad. Maybe I was wrong. It happens every now and then. I am kind of hoping I’ve been terribly wrong in this case.
If I’m not wrong, Jeremy is going to fall harder than if Ben hadn’t decided to give this relationship a chance. If I know Ben, and I do, he won’t want what they have to leave the bedroom. He can’t admit some things about himself in the light of the public eye, after all. Jeremy will say he’s fine with this, he wants to keep Ben happy, of course, but Ben just wants to keep Ben happy as well. He may actually love Jeremy, but he loves himself more. He loves what people think of him more.
He’ll let all that shit win out in the end, and leave Jeremy behind.
I hope more than anything all of that turns out to be false.
---
I’ve never seen him cry before, you know, and I really hope I never see it again.
I don’t say I told you so, because that won’t help anything at all. He cries and he yells and he sobs himself hoarse, and I hate every agonising minute of it. Ben really did it this time.
He shouldn’t have lead Jer on like that. He shouldn’t have given him hope, only to let his pride win out in the end. What he did was crueler than if he had just rejected him from the beginning. Fucking narcissist.
Author: McKenzie
Pairing: Jeremy/Ben
Prompt: #49- Heartbreak (Replacing 'Pet')
Rating: PG-13
Jeremy is so optimistic I feel bad for him. ‘I’m in love,’ he says, as if I couldn’t already tell. He seems to think that things are going to work out for him, but… they won’t, I just know it.
I’m not saying I want him to be miserable, just the opposite, actually, but he can’t give his heart up yet, not to Ben. Ben is a great guy, really nice and all, but his head and his heart have been in denial about certain things for far too long and even Jeremy’s sweet, good hearted love is not going to fix that.
I’m a cynic, that is true (none of this ‘I’m not a cynic, I’m a realist’ bullshit—happiness can be real too), but this isn’t just me trying to find the negative side of things. I really just don’t want him to get hurt, and Ben will hurt him whether he tries to or not. That damn pride of his will get in the way of everything, that need to keep up some sort of self image, that desire to do as he thinks pleases society as a whole, and the damn narcissist will claim another victim. Jeremy, despite what he says, is too fragile to handle the heartbreak this would cause. He’d get over it, I have no doubt of that, but love would be ruined to him forever.
He has all these hopes for himself, for Ben, for the two of them, but Ben’s mind is closed to the kind of love Jeremy wants from him, and even if he wants to give it, he won’t let himself because of some odd sort of fucked up personality flaw the guy has. He can’t accept himself, he certainly won’t accept Jeremy. I just know it.
---
Jeremy is over the moon right now. Ben kissed him, he says. Ben loves him back, he claims. Ben this and Ben that and Ben is making him so happy right now. I should be glad. Maybe I was wrong. It happens every now and then. I am kind of hoping I’ve been terribly wrong in this case.
If I’m not wrong, Jeremy is going to fall harder than if Ben hadn’t decided to give this relationship a chance. If I know Ben, and I do, he won’t want what they have to leave the bedroom. He can’t admit some things about himself in the light of the public eye, after all. Jeremy will say he’s fine with this, he wants to keep Ben happy, of course, but Ben just wants to keep Ben happy as well. He may actually love Jeremy, but he loves himself more. He loves what people think of him more.
He’ll let all that shit win out in the end, and leave Jeremy behind.
I hope more than anything all of that turns out to be false.
---
I’ve never seen him cry before, you know, and I really hope I never see it again.
I don’t say I told you so, because that won’t help anything at all. He cries and he yells and he sobs himself hoarse, and I hate every agonising minute of it. Ben really did it this time.
He shouldn’t have lead Jer on like that. He shouldn’t have given him hope, only to let his pride win out in the end. What he did was crueler than if he had just rejected him from the beginning. Fucking narcissist.
