Cutthroat Little Pixie

AS THE SUBJECT SAYS, MY DAY WAS EPIC. YOU ALL ARE WAY JEALOUS OF THIS FACT, I KNOW, BUT YOU SHALL HAVE TO GET OVER YOURSELVES AND LISTEN TO ME.

Now, time for business. EMIL, MICHA, AND I WENT TO SEATTLE. Ooooh yeah. Micha came over last night and spent the night, then Emil came and picked us up at 7:30 am (he was half an hour late, that bitch) and the wickedness began. I think the moment I knew this was going to be the best road trip ever was when we stopped for gas and one of the attendants witnessed Emil and I putting up chastity circles around one another to protect us from the creepers in their creeper van. Another one also heard us talking about the creeper van when she came to give us change back. XD They probably thought we Wake n' Baked.

Emil's CD collection is lame, so we started off a little shaky in the music department, but after we discovered the amazingness that is NOW 56 AND ITS AWESOME TECHNO EUROPOP it was brilliant. We danced, Emil forgot how to drive, we got funny looks, people pointed at us, and we danced (and the car swerved) some more. Seriously. It was beautiful and nobody is as cool as we are. EVERYBODY BE COOL. YOU, BE COOL! Seriously, though, the people who saw us when they drove by made the best faces. We were so amused.

God made me cool, guys. God made me cool.

Anywhore, driving, driving, driving. Whenever we passed a sign that said how far we had until we got to Seattle we screamed the number, banged on the roof, and cheered. Every time. I know, you're jealous. We also read amazing Jesus praising signs and saw a miniature pink house thing on the side of the road. And the license plate KRNBRY. I wanted to steal it, but our dance party was too intense for kleptomania. 

FINALLY, we got to Seattle (AND WE CHEERED LIKE ALL FUCK, DAMNIT) and... we went in the wrong direction. BUT, we found where we were really supposed to go and ALL WAS WELL. We parked, grabbed some drinks (Emil and I had an EGGNOG LATTE. It was delicious and felt very Christmassy to my tongue) and a pee, and off to adventureland Pike Place Market we went. On the way there some old guy was like, "Can I get a picture of this lovely lady?" to Micha and he took a picture of her. She is just hot like that. And a homeless guy complimented her on her pink hair. Pike Place was amazing and had amazing things to look at. Like tie dye pajamas. Emil wouldn't get them because he is lame. Some guy called Emil and I Micha's assistants and it was tres amusant, in my opinion. And their opinions. Our opinions.

I bought two postcards, got three postcards at an art gallery, and bought FRIENDLY NEIGHBORHOOD SPIDERMAN VOLUME 15. I HAVE BEEN WANTING IT FOREVER AND I FOUND IT AND THERE WAS MUCH REJOICING. Micha got one of those cool funeral hats with the veil. It was the hottest thing ever and she has to wear it everyday now. Seriously. Everyday, cuntface. 

After Pike Place we went to Chinatown. We went the wrong way going over there, too. The map confused the fuck out of me because it was being a jerk. Seriously. The little arrow down in the corner doesn't have the NESW directions all nice and neat, noooo, it has them all skewed. And it wouldn't label all the streets, or it'd say a street was there, but it was hiding from us. What a betch. Anywhore, we got to Chinatown and it was ghetto. But it had awesome dragons and an Uwajimaya, so we stayed. I tried to close Emil in the passenger's side door but he got away. Damn.

Uwajimaya was HUGE. OH MY GOD. BIGGEST FUCKING UWAJIMAYA EVER IN THE WHOLE WORLD. Haha. We ate some not-so-good food at one of the restaurants inside, and then we ran amok. Micha found her soul mate and it was beautiful, but alas, he escaped. Tragic. But then we found amazing notebooks and Micha got one. I got two postcards there because I'm cool. Then we went crazy on the candy aisle. XD One of the bags of candy says this:

Its translucent color so alluring and taste and aroma so gentle and mellow offer admiring feelings of a graceful lady.

Emil and I saw that when we went to the Uwajimaya down here a couple years ago. Haha. It is still amusing. I love Engrish. We also bought some of those cool soda pops with the marbles in them. Yay.

IT STARTED SNOWING AND IT WAS BEAUTIFUL. SO BEAUTIFUL. I LOVE SNOW. <3

After that our magical journey got... weird. Emil and I did our usual SUPA JAPANESE FUN TIME shit and then we somehow ended up talking in our faux-Asian accents for about forty-five minutes. We told stories of our hometowns of "Sweet Vagina" and "Big Pussy", which were both by the "Overweight Woman Hill" and the horse farm where horses "Small Penis" and "Big Black Cock" resided. It was funnier when we were telling Micha the stories, I swear. Especially when Emil said he mounted Big Black Cock and road him all day. We also taught her the ways of the geisha. I can't tell you about that because it is a secret. All you need to know is that you can't know it, so HAH. We got so wrapped up in that that Emil went the wrong way down a one way street until he realised he was doing so, screamed OH SHIT, and then proceeded to go up a FUCKING HUGE MOUNTAIN OF A ROAD. 

OH YEAH AND MY FUCKING QUOTE OF THE DAY IIIIIIIIIS

"And then my cock started screaming outside."

-Emil

He was talking about a rooster. XD

We drove around in a few circles, went the wrong way down 99, found some ghetto ("Hey guys, do you know where we are?" "Where?" "THE GHETTO."), and eventually made it back to I5. Our journey to Seattle had ended, but our journey home was just beginning. 

We were going to go to Olympia, but then we were like FUCK THAT and we somehow ended up in search of food. Emil saw a sign and followed it, but then he went the wrong way and we ended up in fucking KENT (Micha hates Kent!). Also, Micha called CANADA. WE LOVE CANADA BECAUSE SHE IS THE COOLEST PERSON EVER. Her name isn't really Canada. It is Beth. She just lives in Canada. Anyway, so we yelled stories at Canada and she thought Emil was a girl name Ano. It was amazing.

But back to Kent. FUCKING KENT. We got out of that bitch and found a McDonalds. We got some yummy fries and Emil got a chicken burger, but he didn't eat it all. So we made him bring it in the car with us when we got back in it. Somewhere during all of this Emil was drinking one of the sodas we got at Uwajimaya and he drooled all over it, then I took a drink and it was gross. The soda was delicious, the drool not so much. But that is not the point.

We got back on I5 and then we were like OH SHIT WE FORGOT GAS. So we stopped for gas and we had to pump it ourselves. Which was fine, but Emil was retarded when we had to pay. He was freaking out about the tax or something, but if you have Oregon license plates you don't have to pay the tax on gas, soooo... yeah. Then he "couldn't find" the money I gave him, but I told him it was in his pocket. Then we pumped us some gas and got back in the car. Then Micha was like, "Lol you guys looked like a married couple when you were coming out of the store," and I was like, "WTF we're too young to look like a married couple. When people see us together, they probably think, 'Damn, what a fine looking young lady, and oh how nice of her to bring her little brother along," and Emil was like, "STFU BITCH IT IS THE OTHER WAY AROUND." But I look older than him so HAH. Or something. 

Lol when we were driving randomly I brushed Emil's hair and helped him get his jacket off. XD 

Eventually there was a bit more of our MAD DANCE PARTY, but we were way tired, guys. Way tired. 

Haha, and when we were two hours away from being home, Emil's mom called and said that once he got back to my house from "downtown" he was to go straight home. She thought he had gone over to my house at 7:30 am for an all day movie marathon and then we had gone downtown. He told her the MAX had troubles and all this shit so the 2+ hours it took him to get home didn't seem weird. 

So we drove and drove and drove, and entered Lacey, and beat on the ceiling whilst screaming things like, "PORTLAND 68 MILES WOOOO!" Then we got back to Portland, dropped Micha off (SADNESS) and Emil took me home. We cleaned out his car and there were SO MANY FUCKING CANDY WRAPPERS. It was amazing. Also had to get rid of the parker metre tickets we had in there. And the map. Haha. 

As I walked into the garage, Samantha greeted me with a, "Is that your booooyfriend?" She thinks boys who drop girls who are in dresses off at their houses must be their boyfriends or something. She is mentally deficient or something.

And so ended our epic journey. I'm not going to say our day was better than yours, because that would be rude and hey, I don't know what you all did, but our day was better than yours.