Of Silence, Of Opposing Viewpoints, Of Blind Emotions

[cutthroatpixie]

Title: Of Silence
Author: McKenzie
Pairing: Jeremy/Ben
Prompt: #30- Mute
Rating: R

Their first kiss was nothing spectacular, when he really thought about it. They’d been sitting in Jeremy’s apartment, watching some movie Ben had picked out, and it just… happened. Jeremy leaned in a bit too close, Ben’s lips were a bit too tempting, and that had been that.

Ben had kissed back, pulled away, blushed, and gone back to watching the movie. When it was over, Jeremy turned to him, made as if to speak, but Ben just shook his head, stood up, and left.

Nothing was said, but Jeremy got the message. I don’t want to talk about it.

---

A few months later they found themselves at a bar with Selene and her new man-of-the-week (well, month, he’d been around for awhile), as they often did. Jeremy may have had too much to drink, and Ben most definitely drank too much, so they decided to leave Selene to her own devices and walk home. Supporting one another with unsteady arms wrapped around wobbly shoulders, they set off.

When they got back to Jeremy’s apartment, the two immediately got into Jeremy’s bed, so tired they really didn’t care. Just as Jeremy was drifting off into a drunken slumber, a mumbled, “I love you, Jer,” came from Ben’s direction.

As they say, a drunken man’s words are often a sober man’s thoughts, but Jeremy would never find out if this were true, as Ben changed the subject if it was ever mentioned.

---

The reciprocal “I love you” came later that month, in the same sort of fashion. Ben shrugged it off as the mindless words of the intoxicated and said nothing more on the subject.

---

The first time they had sex, their minds and bodies had been more than a little clouded with inebriation. They had awoken the next morning, naked and covered in tell-tale signs of their night time activities, and had come to a silent agreement not to ever mention that night again.

Unfortunately, Selene had not been in on that agreement.

“He’s really good, eh Jer?” She said with a knowing smirk. “Took you long enough.”

“Shut up, Selene. It was just… a one time thing.” Jeremy shrugged. He wanted to say “mistake”, but even if Ben saw it that way, he sure as hell didn’t.

Selene frowned and put a hand on Jeremy’s shoulder. “He’ll come around, hon, don’t worry.”

And oh how she hoped he would. Ben and Jeremy may have decided not to speak of their night together, but she knew at least one of them wouldn’t be able to stop thinking about it.

“Yeah. Right,” Jeremy replied. Ben and he never spoke of their first kiss, of their drunken exclamations of love, of the other kisses that followed, and now they’d never speak of yet another thing Jeremy had been longing for.

“Then you need to get over it.”

He’d been shunned, laughed at, and ignored, but for whatever reason, Jeremy Amenias knew he’d never stop believing one Benjamin Narcyz was the most beautiful person he’d ever met, and he most certainly would never get over him.

That fact, he thought with a bitter laugh, was just one more thing he would not (could not) say aloud.

Title: Of Opposing Viewpoints
Author: McKenzie
Pairing: Selene/Ed Shepard
Prompt: #41- Past
Rating: PG

Selene can’t really remember the day they met (Ed remembers it perfectly). She thinks it may have been a sunny afternoon (He knows it was overcast, and later at night) and it was probably, no, definitely, a Tuesday (it was a Friday) in April (at least she remembered that much).

She thought he looked fun (he knew she was the most beautiful thing he had ever lain eyes on), but it wasn’t love at first sight (for her, anyway). She thinks she talked to him first (she did, he was far too shy to make a first move), thought she can’t remember what they talked about (the overcast weather, of course).

She doesn’t, never did, know the intimate details of his life (he remembers everything he could ever learn about her, however little that was). She doesn’t know his favourite colour (hers is blue), where he was born (she was born somewhere out of the country, that’s all he could get out of her), or his favourite food (she was always rather fond of seafood of all sorts), and she’d never met his parents (he’d never heard anything about hers).

She was never one for discussing feelings (those sorts of discussions weren’t high on his list, either), especially… certain sorts of feelings (he wished she’d talk about those particular feelings a bit more than she did), because, really, she had better things to talk about (he’d take anything he could when it came to conversation with her). Deep discussion made her uncomfortable, with anyone other than Jeremy anyway (he’d always been a bit jealous of that man).

She can’t recall every single moment they had together (he can, though he often wishes his memory weren’t as good as it seemed to be), but she knows they had a lot of good (wonderful) ones. The bad ones weren’t too terrible, either (he knows that to be a full on lie), though that last week or so was pretty uncomfortable (devastating) for the two of them (it was one of the worst weeks of his life).

When Ed left her, Selene knew it would be alright, because it was a good thing for him (he still regrets ever doing that) and he’s better off now (he’s never been more miserable in his entire life). She’s sure of it.

She never wonders if he’s found someone new (he doesn’t even want to think about how many men she’s been with since him), because it doesn’t really matter to her. She doesn’t imagine what things would have been like if they had stayed together (better than this, no doubt). He is a thing of the past (she will always be a thing of the present) and that is all there is to it. She doesn’t think about him all that often, actually (he can’t get her out of his head) and she certainly does not miss him (he wishes she hadn’t pushed him away).

And, if she is willing to be fully honest with herself and actually admit it to herself, she wishes that too.


Title: Of Blind Emotions
Author: Mckenzie
Pairing: Selene/Ed
Prompt: #28-Blind
Rating: PG

“You don’t get it, do you?” I ask her. I’m yelling, I know, but she just frustrates me so much sometimes.

“Get what?” Her answer is itself a question, of course. She’s so blind to everything. I love her and… she can’t see that at all. No matter what I do, no matter how many times I say it, she’s a completely and totally ignorant to the fact that my feelings aren’t just words. They’re actually there, but she can’t see them, so I guess they don’t exist to her.

She stares in my general direction, though she probably isn’t really seeing me, but the wall behind my shoulder.

Totally blind, this one. What do I have to do, carve her name into my heart and hand it to her? She’d probably delude her eyes into seeing something else other the love I so obviously have for her. She always does that.

“Did you have a point, Ed, or are you just yelling whatever happens to comes to mind first? She says that in such a vacant, uncaring way that I don’t even know why she bothers asking at all. My answer is obviously of little importance to her.

I sigh. Seem to be doing that a lot lately. “Nothing. It’s nothing. I’m going home.” She just shrugs, wishes me a goodnight (even though it is three in the afternoon), and goes into Jeremy’s room. I don’t even want to know what she gets up to with him when I’m not around.

I leave, mind still on Jeremy and Selene. She claims there is nothing going on between them, and he claims to be in love with somebody else, but they spend way too much time together, I think. I’ve come over before to find her in his bed, sometimes dressed, most often not. When she says she’s too busy to do something with me, it’s not because of anything important, it’s because she’s lying around with Jeremy.

She ignores me. She ignores the feelings I have for her, and anything I happen to do to try and prove these feelings exist. She doesn’t do anything to show that maybe she loves me back, yet she does whatever Jeremy wants. She’s always there for him. She can’t waste three little words on me, but she always seems to say just the things Jeremy needs to hear.

She’s blind when it comes to me, yet her sight seems to be perfect with Jeremy. She’s blind to my thoughts, feelings, emotions, my life, even. She probably knows everything Jeremy needs her to know about him, most likely more. She just can’t bother with me.

I love her, and I always told myself she loved me too. Told myself she just wasn’t comfortable with commitment for whatever reason. Told myself she’d open up to me eventually, hopefully sooner rather than later.

I’ve always thought that Selene loved me in her own way, a way I just didn’t understand… but now I’m beginning to think it was me, not her, who has been blind this whole time.